How Mommy Introduced Him into THE World

I understand the meaning of "labour". Labour is working hard and towards a goal, labour is something you do. *That* is not what child labour was. In fact, I think the word "labour" is misplaced in this context. "Possession" would be more appropriate. I had no control over what was happening to my body. Yes, breathing might help and trying to relax has its benefits--but let me tell you, giving birth happens to women and it happens BIG.

The pain is not describable. I don't care what anyone says, there is nothing like it and there is no way to understand it unless you've lived it. I thought I would cave in. A severe menstrual cramp my bum! It felt like I was going to be pulled inside out and split open at the same time. And the gore! I thought I knew what to expect because I saw what Ana went through but my possession was worse than hers in this area. From the moment my water was broken (around 11am we think) until this day (yes, we are 2.5 weeks postpartum) I was leaking fluids of the strangest colours. With every contraction it was as though I was peeing on the floor (I had to stand. Sitting was absolutely out of the question. So was bending over the bed and all of the other wonderful labour positions the prenatal classes tell you about). John stood by my side, next to the towel on the floor, holding my hand and rubbing my back.
Ana was there coaching me between photographs. I don't remember much about the 2 hours of intense contractions except that the last one almost pushed me over the edge. I remember crying out that I couldn't do it anymore and then *paff*....In came my knight-in-shining Armour- the Anesthesiologist.



The drugs are wonderful. I had 6 more hours or so of painless possession. I took naps, laughed and chatted with my two best friends in the world as we waited together. My possession nurse left us around 7:15pm. She had told us just before leaving that we had another 2 hours before something would have to be done about getting Rowan out. The dilation part was fast, I went from 3cm at arrival around 11am to 7 cm by about 2pm but for some reason our little guy didn't want to move down. We are pretty certain that the nurse just didn't want to get into the throws of delivery before he shift ended because the next nurse came in, introduced herself and said "Alright, let's get this baby out!" and within minutes she had me pushing.








Pushing was comical. I had one leg that was completely numb and no amount of screaming "Push like you're pooing. Push like you're constipated" helps. Eventually Ana and John could see his little head. They were both so excited and I wanted desperately to see him too that I bore down as best as I could, relying on the memory of muscles used in the bathroom. Apparently my memory wasn't great because he wasn't moving much. His heart rate started to get dangerously high and so in came Dr. Legault who calmly explained that he wanted to use the vacuum to get Rowan out. Prior to possession I was adamant that I didn't want the vacuum used because of the temporary effects it has on the skull, but the situation was urgent and he made it seem so common place that I trusted him to do it right. So, while the vacuum was being set up, Ana and John grabbed my legs and we tried to no avail to get that baby out. It took less than a minute to pull Rowan out once the suction was turned on though. John stood in awe, Ana was crying. Apparently he had rubbery cheeks and that is what John will remember most of the first few moments that he laid eyes on his baby boy. My memory of the first few minutes-- a big squirt of blood gushes all over the doctors chest as he pulls my boy out. Ah... yes, the tear. And then... the most beautiful sight I have ever seen--Rowan lying on my tummy and then Daddy staring at his baby.

Although it may seem that I remember a lot of detail about the possession, I don't. In fact, I can't conjure up the memory of the pain anymore. John is right, the amnesia that sets in immediately upon seeing your own child is exactly why women can keep having kids. I just made a mental note during the process to try and take note of certain things because I didn't want to forget absolutely everything of the most important day of my life. Everything that I recount now was caught because I consciously stored the details. And so while the gore and the pain are described here, it should be some relief to any of you about to have your own to know that possession is do-able and once that little baby is out, all of the hard parts are quickly forgotten.


So...I birthed Rowan into this world after close to 17 hours of recognizable *labour* and while trying to be aware of everything that was happening to my body. It was an exercise in relinquishing control and giving over to something completely animal which, in my case, was made more bearable by the support that John and Ana gave me. They were amazing and patient, and I hope they were (are) a little changed because of what they witnessed. I know that I was changed after I saw Emily come into the world and to this day, it was, besides my own possession, the most fantastic thing I have ever participated in.

How Daddy Introduced Him To His World

Hi all,

After a nail biting 9 months of intense waiting and excitement for his parents, Rowan Kanj Bejjani was born September the 6 at 8:25 pm thus eclipsing his aunt Hanan's birthday celebrations. Other than this slight importunity on his part there is nothing to be found wrong with him. He is a delightful boy and has had his parents wrapped around his tiniest finger since the moment he appeared, rubbery cheeks first ...

He and mother are doing very well and both soundly sleeping as I write this: she in her bed, and he in his bassinet by my side. Despite what I've said privately, I concede to my sister that to have a child, to witness their entry into this world is a singularly life elivating event that I would wish on everyone who has the desire to attempt it. There is nothnig more precious in this world that God could create than the life that you participate in making and the life that you promise to keep as safe as you can while you're still around. I would like to thank Jennifer's parents, not just for all of their help this past week, but for being there at Rowan's first moments, which they acheived by driving 8 long hours from Blind River and then sneeking (barging?) with my mother into the birth-center after hours and to the consternation of the staff.

I would also like to thank Jennifer for being both crazy enough to have a child with me and then strong enough to bear him and all the aches that come with him for 39 weeks. At 9 lbs 3 oz and 21.5 inches I'm sure he was not easy to carry about, and even at 3 months along Jennifer followed me up the Kelso Sand Dune in the Mojave desert on a blisteringly hot day. If that isn't love, then it must be dementia.

John

Pink Hot Air Balloon

Okay, so I don't look *that* bad after all...

The Waiting Game

It is September 3, 2008. Rowan is 9 days away from his due date but I have been bargaining with him for the last few days, begging him to make his appearance early. I am in a lot of discomfort now. I am not meant to carry around 200lbs of weight with me. My groin hurts, my back and shoulders ache, my hands feel like they might explode, my feet look like miss piggy's feet...it's not a pretty sight. John insists that I am still the cutest thing on the planet beside his son, but I feel awful. I am glad that I stopped working a 1.5 weeks ago because I would feel worse I am sure. I have few articles of clothing that fit now. I am perpetually in my PJs or in my green cargo pants and black t-shirt. There is no sense in running out and buying more maternity wear at this point, but I do miss feeling like I look decent. John is anxious to get "his B" back. I am anxious to have her back as well. All the napping, the shuffling of feet, stubbing of toes, drinking of lemonade, peeing and complaining must come to an end and I'd like that end to come tonight!

I am heading out to go for a swim with Jen in her uncle's pool this afternoon. I think I may have to post a picture of myself in the hot pink bathing suit Mary loaned me. I think it is healthy to laugh at the cartoon proportions my body has taken on now. There will come a day when I will be grateful that I was brave enough to humiliate myself I am sure.

Ottawa Shower Over Due

While Rowan is not "overdue" at this point, the photos of the Ottawa shower are. Here are a few that show how incredibly generous everyone has been and all the hard work put into planning events like these. It was a wonderful day. Meeting more of John's family was fun and it was clear to me that this baby is being born into a family that loves him.


This looks like a "self help" circle more than
it does a shower but don't let it fool you!


















My mother was measuring me up. July 5th...Rowan was not that big yet but I felt huge. Good thing I didn't know how I would feel a month later.

Counting Down

Tomorrow will be my first official day of Maternity Leave. I can't imagine being away from my work for an entire year but at the same time, I am completely excited about completing the million projects I have started and starting a few new ones while I am at it. Yes, I know--Rowan is going to take up a lot of my time and I will be amazed at how a year flies by. I have heard this many many times over the past little while but, what people don't know about me is that I have to be doing something and something will be more than just being a mommy to my new little guy. I am going to love being a mother. I am going to love spending time with him, singing to him, dressing him up, showing him off, watching his every change but...and this is a big but...I refuse to become "just" his mommy as I have seen so many people do. A baby comes and all of a sudden the woman that existed before her body was taken over by a little gremlin growing inside her is gone. Like pregnancy, I am sure motherhood will take over my every thought but being a mother doesn't mean giving up what makes each and everyone of us unique-- our self.

Speaking of self, I am looking forward to getting control of my body back. Rowan has been hurting my insides now for almost 9 months and the pain has gotten worse over the last few weeks. He moves and moves and sleeping has become impossible. I feel bad for John who must endure the tossing and turning and the sighing and the peeing and the drinking and, and, and...But, you know what, there are only a few more weeks left and then we are going to forget about everything challenging about pregnancy because we will have this adorable human being to care for and raise. Ana is sure that I will miss being pregnant. I am sure she is partly right. I am going to miss knowing that I am carrying precious cargo and that he is alive and well inside me. I am going to miss wondering about him and dreaming that is for sure. I am also going to miss having John wait on me hand and foot too (maybe that's what I will miss the most!). I have been spoiled and although I have tried to do as much as I could to help and prepare, the credit for keeping things together goes entirely to him. I have said this before, he makes my life easier and that couldn't have been more true than over the past 9 months. Come to think of it now...I am going to miss John talking to Rowan and that ridiculous look on his face when he sees Rowan kicking from inside. He loves his baby already and watching that love is something that I hope I will never ever forget.

We are almost ready for his arrival now. Here are a few pictures of the nursery in progress. Sue and Barbara did such an amazing job on Puff that it will be hard to leave him behind when we move some day. We have purchased the rocking/reclining arm chair for his room and it arrives on Tuesday. Once that is here, we will have everything we need and more to bring our little man home.

Wedding Bliss and Blunders Continued...

Saying our vows which we were supposed to add to but the old minister forgot...















The big kiss...









It's legal...