An End to A New Beginning

This will be the last entry to A New Beginning. I have to publish the blog in a book for Rowan to keep and well, in order to do that in a reasonable way, I have to end here and start a new site. I am sure there is a way to download the entries by date, but the reality is I am too lazy to figure it out and I am likely to mess a good thing up. So, to make my life easier and to ensure that we have everything that has been put down in writing for years to come, please look for us at http://babybejjani2.blogspot.com.

Thanks for following us so far.

Day Care News

I knew that Rowan would take being left at Day Care on Monday like a real trooper. I knew he wouldn't cry or fuss. I thought I wanted him to show some apprehension about being left behind. You know, as a sign that he wanted his mommy over someone else? But on Monday and Tuesday he went happily to Amanda and I left bruised. However, I was far more upset when I left him on Wednesday when he was reaching for me at the door. As selfish as I think I am sometimes, I know that I want what is best for Rowan because I did what I had to do-- I left quickly without fussing myself so that he would know that *it* was okay. You see, my friend Lori who is a Day Care provider told me that babies who cry when their parents are leaving stop crying about 3 seconds after the parents are gone. I wanted that for Rowan. I wanted him to go and have fun with the girls. I wanted that more than I wanted him to miss me.

Amanda made my day by sending me a little note explaining what Rowan was up to after I left. She said that Emily was busy reading to Rowan with her reading glasses on. She was trying to teach him baby sign language. He, apparently, wasn't all that interested but the photos that were included in the note seemed to suggest that he was having that fun I wanted him to have anyway. This is what he looked like on Wednesday with his new best friend Emily.

My Year Ends

I know when I look at my son that he is a perfect measure of what can be accomplished in 365 days, but I still remember what it felt like to wait for him. Because of that, I am sometimes stunned that he is truly here. In my mind Filmore is still waiting in Rowan's crib. Puff is still waiting on the wall. We are still waiting and anxious to see his beautiful face for the first time. It is the strangest thing, but a year of knowing him has not erased the feeling of longing for him. I am not sure that I am even explaining how I feel properly. In fact, I know I am not. I often find myself at a loss for the proper words where my son is concerned. I guess stating that he brings me the most unreal joy should suffice.

Because today is my last day off work, we made today "Wubby Day" and tried to imagine what Rowan would tell us he wanted to do with his day if he could talk. We decided that fish and birds would definitely be involved. We also thought a long walk to Westboro with the dogs would be nice before the rain came. We got the walk in, but we didn't make it to see the fish or birds. Instead, we spent the afternoon with gramma, grampa, Aunt Hanan, Uncle Dave, the kids and Anti-Pauline. I think this was probably just as entertaining as our original plans. It was a good day but it hasn't helped the fact that I am heartbroken that my days are about to be reduced to 3 hours of time with him. I have said it before but parenting is cruel. I know that he won't notice the difference in his days because time really doesn't mean anything to him at this point. He is incredibly well adjusted. He is the happiest child I have ever met (I say that unbiasedly) and he loves to play which he will get to do all day long at Day Care. The fact that he won't see his mommy or daddy for an 8 hour stretch each day really won't have an impact on him. I know this is what I should want for my child. But, as a mommy with a heart, it is hard to accept that I am not necessarily needed as much as I was.

I know it only gets worse with time too. I know that I am going to close my eyes one day and open them to a young man who is excited about the University acceptance letter he received in the mail and he'll be planning his life away from us. As a good mom and dad, we'll cheer him on. We'll hide the fact that the psychotic part of us wants to lock him up and keep him for ourselves. That's what good parents do after all.

Ha! Isn't it strange to think that to be a good parent you have to hide how much you really love and need your children? Somehow you are supposed to find the right balance between showing them enough love so that they know they are important in this world and not showing them too much because you run the risk of weighing them down with guilt.

B3T2

We saw the baby today. His or her heart beat was a strong 160 beats/minute which made this pregnancy all the more real. Unfortunately though, the little bean was measuring small (about 2cm) which means that my original Due Date was likely wrong. I am only about 9 weeks pregnant instead of 10 which, if I hadn't gained 7lbs already, really wouldn't be a big deal. I am not comfortable in my normal pants anymore and I was quite relieved to get a whole stash of stretchy pants and big tops from my sister, Ana and Nicole this past weekend. I am breathing a tiny bit easier than I was when I was still trying to deny that my tummy was starting to expand. I look cute enough but more importantly, B3T2 is growing and healthy so far.

His First Day At Day Care

I was both happy and sad that I was the only one crying when I left Rowan at the Baby Bumble Bee Day Care today. It was his first half day without me. He seemed happy to see the kids and when I picked him up at noon, he smiled when he saw me and continued to play. I think he would have been perfectly happy to just stay put all day long. Yes, I know this is a good thing. But a little part of me wishes he had missed me as much as I missed him.

As heartbroken as I am, I am grateful to have had a whole year off work to spend with Rowan. It has been the most incredible experience. I do feel like I haven't accomplished as much as I had hoped to, but when I see the shine in his eyes, hear his giggle, or watch him discover something new with enthusiasm, I know that we have done an amazing job at ensuring that he received enough love and security to make his first year of life the best it could have been. And really, that is all that matters.

And so, starting next Monday, Rowan will be at the Day Care full time and I will return to being Jennifer-the-full-time-professional instead of Jennifer-the-full-time-mommy. Part of me is excited about getting a little bit of myself back. However, the biggest part of me will be secretly counting the days until I have Rowan all to myself again.

~ 211 days~

Worth Noting

Last night was the first time in about 5 months that Rowan slept through the night. And what happens? I can't sleep!

I have my toes and fingers crossed that this is the start of something really good for him. We've been working very hard at getting him ready for the transition to day care which means slowly weaning him and letting him cry more than we would at bed time or when he wakes up during the night. He is changing so rapidly and the travel we have put him through since he was born has made sleeping harder for him than it should have been. He is an amazing child. He is (we are) blessed with an innate ability to adapt and roll-with-the-punches. He is a perpetually happy little boy who, occasionally now, will throw a temper tantrum when he doesn't get his way (that too is innate and he gets that from BOTH John and I.). We have taken total advantage of his easy demeanor and it is our own fault that he has a hard time making it through the night without eating. I know that. Which is why I was never angered or upset by having to be up with him every night for almost a whole year. Truth be told, I will miss our late night feedings but the idea of still getting up with him after his first birth has been stressing me out. I feel like I have been holding him back in the baby stage by not training him to sleep properly. He deserves to be a "big boy". And well, as usual, he has proven himself to be a wonderful learner. It really has only taken 2 or 3 nights of a few tears to get through the night without eating. Maybe I am counting my chickens before they hatch? Ah, probably not. My son never disappoints! He is perfect after all.

Here is a picture of my perfect son hamming it up. I showed him how to play with the bowl once and now he yells into just about anything to see what kind of a reaction he can get out of us. He also LOVES to play peak-a-boo or as we call it (thanks to Addison) "hiding!!".

Joe and Suzanne Tie The Knot

I promised a few photos of the wedding and so here they are. I know there are going to be many many others to come because Bhupendra took a lot of amazing shots on the big day (which was August 6th, 2009. Now all of us married in the group have done so in order. August 3rd- Us, August 4th- G and C, August 5th- L and C, and August 6th- J and S.). I suppose I will have to make an album just of the wedding day because I think Rowan made a lot of appearances in Bhupendra's shots. Doesn't John look great in a skirt?

I'll have to get a photo of Suzanne because there weren't any on our camera! Shoot.

Don't You Think We Make the Perfect Pair?

My true love:

What?

How on earth can I have gained 6lbs already? I am seriously annoyed with myself and the 3 sandwiches I ate yesterday.

First Steps, A Million More To Come

Yesterday, in front of his great Aunts and Uncles and second cousins, Rowan took his first steps. He had taken a couple on his own with us during our trip but they were weak and wobbly. These on the other hand, were different. Later at Aunt Hanan's he was focussed on getting something he wanted and off he went. I yelled which frightened him and caused him to stumble. Who knows how far he would have made it if I hadn't ruined the moment. He is also able to go up the stairs completely unassisted. We discovered this in Florence when like a true spider-chub, he took off across the floor and up the concrete steps before John could catch him. He has since been up the entire flight between the basement and the main level here at home. Watching him do these things is both shocking and endearing. We are so proud of our little guy who might just not be a total clutz like his mom and dad after all.

Here is a shot of little R going up the steps in Italy. His father could do nothing but slap his face and drop an F-bomb (I think) because he was just too slow to do anything else. Well, actually-- he wasn't too slow to type on the blackberry anyway.

Glenrothes, Scotland Was Next

We arrived in Edinburgh and then Glenrothes on our first Anniversary. It wasn't the most romantic way to spend the day, but we'll make up for it next year when we aren't traveling around for someone else's wedding. Our trip from Nice was torturous. We had to connect through Heathrow which made what could have been a short trip in to a very long journey. Somehow, we survived again. Rowan was very tired of being constrained by this point and we made an effort not to use the stroller the last leg of the trip. In fact, it was a very good thing we packed the Ergo baby in our carry on luggage because even though we took the stroller to the gate in Nice, it was checked right through to Edinburgh and we would have had to carry Rowan in our arms through what was the most insane security process I have ever seen in my life in Terminal 5-Heathrow. John and I are always commenting and complaining about the completely arbitrary security rules that airports have these days, but this took the cake so to speak. I am not kidding when I say that if we hadn't known any better, we would have sworn we were in line in a third world country instead of in what boasts to be a civilized country. We were funneled into a line that was about 10 people deep and it bottled necked at a point where we all had to get on to an elevator to take us to the x-ray area. The person at the bottom of the escalator was watching a person at the top of the escalator who was responsible for deciding when the next heard of angry travelers was permitted to go up to the next level. Kind of like a flag person in a construction site but with less intelligence. After about 30 minutes we made it up to the security screening level which turned out to be just as chaotic. We were no longer 10 people deep, but the line ups were so long and the security people so incredible dense that it took us another hour or so just to get through to the other side. We watched this Indian woman in a wheel chair take out I would say, 4 cans of baby formula (could have been old person food), syringe after syringe and many other weird medical instruments and concoctions in one line up. She some how was allowed to get through with all of this stuff but I had to throw out Rowan's fruit cup because it was over the 100ml limit and if I had tasted it on the other side (which they will let you do SOMETIMES), we had no way of sealing it up. I actually had packed a container anticipating that this might happen but in the thick of it all, I forgot about my brilliant planning and just instructed the airport ape to toss it.

Thank God we had a 3 hour lay over because we would not have made it to our connecting flight.

We pulled in to Glenrothes by hired car (this was our first long trip without a car seat and I felt immense guilt about that) around bed time. Our hotel was in the middle of nowhere but unlike the rest of the wedding guests from Canada, we at least had our own restaurants and bar to frequent. The rest of the crew stayed at the Travel Lodge in the middle of an industrial park. They were not all that pleased. But it worked out well for us because they came to have lunch and dinner at the Balgeddie House with us. We had many lovely dinners and relaxed because there was simply nothing else to do. I loved our king sized bed and Rowan loved the dark and quiet of his baby cot set up in the bathroom (Ana: you've had it backwards all along!). John used the men's room in the lobby just in case you were wondering how we managed. I, however am a camel and didn't even notice the lack of a loo. Anyway, preparing meals for Rowan was a little bit of a challenge. We ate greasy and heavy Scottish food for a few too many days and I think all 3 of us put on weight. Oh and we had birthday cake for my 35th which seemed to pass rather slowly and quietly. I am used to being with my whole family and I missed them that day especially. John and Rowan gave me a lovely perfum from France and the gang remembered to bring me a card too which was sweet. I guess it is just as well that we didn't make a big deal of it this year because to be honest, turning 35 is a little freaky and I am not too happy about it.

Anyway, the wedding day arrived and by this time, we were all ready to go home. John left us around 11am. We had packed everything up in the morning and all I had to do was feed Rowan and get us both dressed and to the church. It went very smoothly and if it wasn't for the boon that exploded on the church floor during the ceremony, I'd say it was pretty near perfect. The bride and groom (Joe and Suzanne) were very cute and seemed to have really enjoyed the day. The location they chose for the reception was gorgeous and the meal was delicious. Rowan ate half of mine and loved every bite. He made it to the end of the speeches and then I took him home to bed. He slept very well despite the late bed time and even managed to get in an extra half hour before the hired car picked us up for our long trip home.

And here we are. Back safe and sound and all the more appreciative our of beautiful new home and the wonderful life we lead in peaceful, cool, sunny and reasonable Canada.

Here is a picture of Rowan in his Italian outfit, purchased in a little boutique in Florence. He looked adorable the day of the wedding. More photos to come.

The Monaco Aquarium

It is really really hard to take photos in an aquarium. But, here are a few of the boys enjoying the fish. We also couldn't help taking a couple of shots of the boats at the marina. Honestly, these pictures do not do the size of the yachts justice. They were incredible. I'd like to meet someone who owns one of these things one day just to see what they are like. Man, the money in Monaco!

Nice is Nice

We left Florence on July 29th, 2009 for Nice. The train trip was 8 hours long along the Mediterranean. I hadn't expected the view to be so beautiful. The Sea was a turquoise colour and the many vacationers seemed to be enjoying themselves swimming at what appeared to be random spots along the way. I wanted to jump off the train and join them but that would have probably made for a really messy time.

Rowan survived the train trip and after paying a ridiculous amount of money for a 10 minute cab ride, we settled in to our gorgeous modern flat. We were pleasantly surprised by the number of stairs up to the apartment (instead of the gruelling 66 we had to scale in Florence, we had about half that in Nice which makes a BIG difference when you are lugging a baby and all of that baby's stuff up with you each time you go out). We also were impressed by the welcome basket complete with coffee, milk, a Rose wine and a few other treats. We had to eat and so we headed towards the beach which was a 5 minute walk in the Old City from where we stayed. Rowan loved his pasta. He also loved sticking his hands in and out of his glass of water. He managed to make a mess of the ground, but the birds took care of that for us. We didn't stay out late because we wanted to get the monster to sleep which was difficult but not impossible even in the 35 degree heat (and no AC in the flat). It wasn't until midnight or so that I realized that our location in the Old city came at a price-- Nice is nice, but it doesn't sleep. The noise outside the window didn't stop until 5am and it was that way every single night. Needless to say, we were not impressed that the flat owners hadn't warned us off the noise problem even when they knew we were traveling with an infant. We considered complaining, but in true Canadian fashion we didn't. Instead we decided not to rave about the condo in the travel log book. Yeah-- *that* will show them!

The noise didn't put a damper on our time in Nice because we didn't let it. Yes, Rowan had an awful time sleeping (and so did we) but we managed quite well once we had 2 fans on full blast in the bedroom and we accepted the fact that he would most likely just end up in bed with us at some point during the night. It was crowded but I avoided getting a foot in the face (unlike Florence where I thought Rowan popped an eye ball-- I saw stars. Actually, it was more like an explosion.). We went to the beach twice, had many enjoyable meals of more pasta and pizza, ate Gelatto every day and walked and walked. It was a relaxing place to be and relatively kid friendly. We really didn't see too much because Nice is mostly just a beach town, but it was nice to just spend time with the boys.

We took a side trip to the Aquarium in Monaco. Really, it was a side trip to Monaco (total cost: 4 Euros). What's the difference? Well, if we hadn't gotten off the bus at the wrong place we would only have seen the port and the Aquarium which is all we wanted to do. Instead, we walked the entire length of the city. It was HOT and we were all very wet by the time we made it to the highest point in what is a really mountainous coast line but the aquarium was lovely and it turned out to be a very good day. We even caught the bus back without issue. Barely, but we did it.

I liked Nice for the beach. I think Florence as a whole though was a much more interesting place. And, I would take the 66 stairs over the lack of AC and the noise any day.

And a A Little More...

We spent a lot of time playing on the floor in the flat in Florence. Jane got Rowan these cute trucks for his baptism and they were a huge hit. I cursed them when we had to lug his stuff around, but they were a God send otherwise. A watermelon is also a great toy when everything else seems to be boring.

Rowan made friends with the Artist who painted the piece we bought in front of the Uffizi. We paid 110 Euro (a little pricy?) for it and still have to get it framed, but it is very good and it will be a nice reminder of the time we spent in Italy.

Around Florence

Here are some random shots of our time in Florence.

Florence is Where We Are At

It took us over 14 hours to get here. Our flight to Heathrow was torture. Rowan slept a total of 3 hours which meant that he missed his entire night's sleep and was in the ripest of moods by the time we boarded the plane for Germany. Luckily for us, he slept on the flight to Munich, then again on the flight to Florence but, 6 hours is not enough for a little man. He has adjusted quite well under the circumstances. We actually kind of like it that he gets up after a nap at dinner time and comes out with us to see what is happening in the city at night. I am not sure how long it will take before he is back to his normal routine, but regardless, he is really an easy baby to lug around.

Florence is a beautiful city. It is really hot though. I am constantly dripping of sweat and Rowan is drinking more than he does in a week each day. John seems to be just fine. It must be those lebanese genes or something. Surely a man with that much body hair must feel the scorching heat? It isn' fair! Anyway, we have all avoided sun burns even though we spend the biggest part of the day walking outside. We haven't really done all that much but we are enjoying ourselves and it is really nice to have John entirely to ourselves. He left his blackberry at home despite his project manager's insistence that he be available at least a couple of times per week while we are here. He is completely disconnected for the first time in well over a year and it is just lovely.

Here my favourite picture of us so far. We are near the Uffizi, along the river heading back to our apartment (which by the way is AMAZING).

Today Marks the Beginning of Another New Beginning

I took a pregnancy test a few days ago hoping that we might have gotten lucky without trying for baby #2. I was disappointed by the negative results and started to feel the pressure because we are one month away from sending Rowan to day care and the plan was to be pregnant before I went back to work. I was a little surprised at the results because I was having head aches and couldn't explain the hunger I was waking up with any other way. And so, after being a few days late, I decided to use the second test just in case. This time, 2 faint little lines showed up. Neither of us could believe it and so we immediately ran out to get another test and yep, 2 little lines again.

Unlike the last time, we are planning on keeping this little one a secret until someone asks because I am getting bigger or until about the 3 month mark. I think I want to spare everyone the long 9 month wait. Seriously, won't everyone be so excited when they find out that B3T2 is due around March 24th, 2010? Oh, they might be a little miffed that we kept the surprise to ourselves but I am pretty sure they will get over it.

Rowan is going to be the best big brother ever.

August 8th: So the news is out. Who was I kinding? I can't keep this stuff a secret. It's just too exciting. Everyone is really happy about the news of course.

oh and....

Have I mentioned that I think it is a little freakish how everyone we know is having boys these days? Honestly, we could be part of a medical study I think because it is NOT normal. Something is going on.

A New Friend

It just occurred to me that I forgot to mention that our friends Nat and Dave had their baby boy Cooper on July 1st! After 40 hours of possession (see my September blog entry re. R's birth), the 6lbs 9.5oz munchkin made it into this crazy world. Cooper is in for a very fun ride with parents who will be living abroad for 4 months of the year for the next few years and who will likely have him strapped to the back of their bikes before too long. Seriously.

We are so excited to watch Cooper grow.