July Showers Brings... A Million Baby Gifts

I think the wedding plans are starting to come together. John and I rented all the items we need on our way back from Sudbury and I managed to convince my father that renting a U-haul for transporting everything was a brilliant idea. He is so funny—he always wants to save a few bucks and must have thought the cost would be outrageous. He quickly changed his tune about the trailer he could borrow when he found out that the rental was only going to be a total of $80.00. I appreciate his help and his desire to keep things reasonable, but sometimes paying the money is necessary to get the result you are looking for. I now just have to ensure that the tables we need are secured. Again, he insisted that we borrow tables from here and there and this time, I thought it important to humor him even if it is at the expense of my stomach lining. I have the best dad on the planet even if he is a little neurotic sometimes. I am sure that Rowan will look at John and I think the same way. As you grow up, your appreciation for your parents changes. You see them as a constant when you are a child, someone you need and to lean on. In your teens, parents are simply embarrassing even though you love them in private. In your twenties, you can’t wait to see them because you’ve been away longer than you ever have and they are more than just a money source, they are comfort, they are home. In your thirties, you see them as human beings with all of their faults and wonder. But it isn’t until you are a parent (or preparing to be) that you see your mom as an angel and your dad as a saint for having endured everything that you put them through, for raising you to be the person you are finally proud of being. Hell, I figure the least I can do now in this time of insane pressure is let my dad have his way with the damn tables. He won’t let me down.

My parents have been fixing the yard up for the big day. It looks so incredibly beautiful to me. I am so excited about showing John’s family where I came from, showing them a part of my past and the environment that made me who I am. Being so far from home and my family and most of my friends has never been harder because I wish John could have the same sort of fun with my family that I have with his. It seems a little unfair at times.

On top of all of the wedding plans our family and friends have thrown 2 showers in our honour. We had a big shower here in Ottawa on July 5^th. I got to meet a few more of John’s family members which was really nice. I was completely overwhelmed by the gifts and generosity. Mary, Hanan, Pauline and Lila did a wonderful job with the decorations and food and I believe everyone had a really nice time. I decided to start a scrap book for Rowan with photos of all the things people have purchased or given us for him. It has turned out to be a lot more work than I had planned but it will be a nice memento for him some day…

My sister and Ana threw the next shower in Cambridge on July 26^th. John and I drove to Margo’s with Hanan and Lila. Again the number of gifts overwhelmed me and I turned into a tongue tied sissy towards the end. I didn’t know what to say to everyone! I have included photos of the Cambridge photo here and will include others from Ottawa once I get them (they are currently on my dad’s camera).

Much like June, July has come and gone in a hurry. It’s hard to believe that I will be 8 months pregnant in a week’s time and that John and I will be married. I am looking forward to a quieter time, when I can just sit and imagine all of the things we are going to do as a family rather than constantly be worrying about my mile-long to-do-lists. While I would love for Rowan to appear a little early, I could also really use 3 weeks off work before he takes over our lives completely. Maybe then I would have the chance to clean up the living room that has been taken over by baby gifts left unphotographed…

*Blink* and June is Gone

We had our last high level ultrasound on June 2^nd and the doctor said that Rowan’s pericardial effusion (if it was even there) had decreased and that he is fine. We were very excited that he was given a clean bill of health but slightly saddened by the fact that we would not be seeing him again before he arrives in September. There is nothing like getting a glimpse at your growing baby. It’s a privilege and I would say even a tiny miracle even though I know the science behind the technology that makes it all possible.

Luckily for me Rowan is very active and so I get to feel him living even though we don’t see him anymore. He favours my right side and has started putting his feet under my rib cage which makes breathing a challenge. The start of my third trimester of pregnancy was wonderful. I had tons of energy and felt less pain than in the second but that has changed now. Rowan is heavy, weighs on my organs more than ever and has now made walking distances very difficult. I hate complaining because he is my little bundle of joy, but man, no one told me it would hurt all the time!

I have been incredibly hard on my own body. I’ve traveled to Vancouver and St-John’s Newfoundland in a week, spent hours on end on my bum behind a computer for weeks, have been running around because of wedding plans, getting less sleep than ever, have driven to Blind River and Montreal and back….I have so much to do before Rowan gets here and I know that I should take more time for myself, but it is impossible slow down at this point in time. I am looking forward to August 22- my last day of “work” for a year.

As hard as these past few weeks have been, I have had the chance to spend a lot of time with Ana and I got to see Jenn in Vancouver for a few days. She is there on a placement with a mining company which was very convenient. I love spending time with her when I can. I hope she finds permanent employment in Ontario so that we can see each other more frequently. Here is a picture of Ana, Jenn and I walking the streets of Vancouver in search of shoes (for Ana) and baby stuff for me.

While I was in Vancouver I broke out in a full body rash. I have included a poor picture of my leg here too because it was so disgusting that it is worth posting. I had taken a float plane to Nanaimo on a Friday to provide a half day training session to the Aboriginal Fisheries Guardians on behalf of DFO and on my way home I thought I’d stop in to have my rash checked. I was so itchy I wanted to cry. The bottoms of my feet were covered in spots. It was really cold in Vancouver. So cold I had to buy a coat while I was there and yet, the doctor told me that I was suffering from heat rash! Who has heat rash from the soles of their feet to their neck? It lasted for about 4 days.

June came and went in a hurry. John was in India for 10 days and as usual, had quite the time getting to his destination. The man’s hands are now pealing and splitting open because of the stress. I am so much happier when he is on this side of the ocean. I think he is too even though he gets the urge to travel and needs to be around people other than his wife-to-be from time to time. He is such an amazing man, I simply can’t imagine my life without him now.

Parenting Practice

It has been a crazy few weeks which we fully expect to be the beginning of an even crazier summer. Let's see...

John and I decided to get married on August 3rd and got our immediate family members to agree to a tiny ceremony in my parents' backyard. Everyone is really excited about our decision even though it does mean limiting the number of people invited to the celebration. Between the baby showers and baptism, there will be plenty of opportunity to celebrate little Rowan and our family. But, we wanted this celebration to be our own as selfish as that may be. It wouldn't happen if we had to have 150+ people present because a huge production of that kind simply isn't what John and I are all about. We are already committed, and despite what others may think, marriage is not necessary for us to feel like a family. However, we do realize that society doesn't exactly embrace families like ours and so, to make Rowan's life a little easier we thought a very personal and quiet affair would be nice. And that's what we are planning.

I have to admit, I am a teeny bit excited about the whole thing even if I have to wear a dress that makes me look like a hippo. I think seeing how happy John's parents were at the idea helped. It was important to them and I am glad we are able to give them what they have been imagining for John his whole life.

So far we have John's ring, canopies rented, a reverend booked, colours picked, table arrangements set and for the most part, our invite list complete. We now have to get our marriage license, get a dress, a suit, the food and the necessary rentals to pull the whole thing together in just over 2 months. No sweat for a woman who wants to make this her career someday even if she is growing a baby.

Speaking of hippos...I tried on dresses at a bridal store where the seamstress insisted that she could rebuild size 28 dresses into something beautiful that would hide that I am pregnant. First of all, I am not trying to hide this baby of mine because he is the best thing that has happened to me since John came along. Secondly, you can't tell me that it is appropriate to take a woman who is larger than she normally is, put her into a size 28 dress when she is normally an 8, pin her up and try to sell her a dress that is obviously hideous and not her style! It was the most god awful shopping experience of my life. I had half a mind to tell the seamstress that she should never accept pregnant clients again because she made me want to cry and it gave me serious anxiety. I have since tried on maternity dresses (not bridal) just to see if I would look as bad as I did all pinned up and, to my relief, there is a very big difference in the fit of a proper maternity dress. I am big, don't get me wrong, but at least I look like I belong on this planet and not floating in the clouds like a lacy balloon. I kind of wish I had taken a few pictures of myself just so that I could post them on the internet to help other pregnant brides avoid the humiliation. Getting a dress is going to be a gamble because the only appropriate wear I can find happens to come from the UK. I am crossing my fingers and praying for a miracle just so that I *can* look beautiful for John and so that Rowan won't feel it necessary to hide pictures of his parents' wedding day under the bed somewhere when he grows up.

John and I returned from Chicago after a long 3 days writing exam questions as part of an ABIH workshop. He got the chance to travel the city a little with Chris and Emily but Ana and I were stuck in the hotel near the airport the entire time. I am so glad that John is able to come with me on adventures like these even if they aren't that interesting. I don't like doing anything without him which is pathetic I know, but it's my reality now. I am looking forward to being able to go with him this year where ever his work will take him (with baby in tow!).

Darren and Nicole brought baby Carys to visit Ottawa the weekend of May 24th/25th and we had a wonderful time. We chatted and chatted and chatted while enjoying yummy lattes made by John (of course). John and I got to see first hand what caring for a 3 month old is all about. While they were here I was reading "The Happiest Baby on The Block" before bed and I would get up in the mornings and try a few of the recommended baby-calming-methods. I felt like a real mom when I was able to get Carys to stop crying and to start to fall asleep in my arms. She is such a little doll. I am so glad that they are in our lives.



Here are a few pictures of us being tourists in downtown Ottawa...

Something worth noting here: John's sense of direction has been really bad this month. And while I have come to anticipate and accept this little quirk of his, I have to say that he should NEVER EVER give directions to an 80 year old woman, dressed in black, resting with her walker again. I worried she was going to have a heart attack in the 30C weather while looking for tulips!

This coming weekend I am off to Minneapolis for another professional development conference with Ana. We are going without the families this time which will be nice too because girl time with her is alway fun. The hard part will be coming home to an emptier house if John is off to India for work at the same time. His schedule is still up in the air, but he may be gone for close to 2 weeks. He'll miss our next ultrasound if he goes this coming weekend.

I think that sums this blog up. The next one will be better I promise...

Learning to Worry

We had our second level 2 ultrasound a little over a week ago to get the extra pictures that the technicians couldn't get the first time around. While we welcomed the idea of seeing Rowan again, we worried for the two weeks between visits because we knew there may be something wrong with his little heart. The second ultrasound confirmed the presence of fluid but this time we were told that it was considered to be on the "upper end of normal". Who knew that a little boy could worry his parents before he was even born? I mean, you always fear that something will go wrong but it isn't until you hear or see the worry on the doctor's face that you truly understand the meaning of agony. The idea that Rowan will be born with some kind of heart problem or developmental delays is nothing short of terrifying. We will be going back for a third visit at the beginning of June. I suspect we will be closely followed until he makes his appearance into the world which is fine because we would rather be prepared and extra cautious than uninformed. This little boy will bring us unbelievable joy (he has already in fact) but, as all parents learn, joy comes at a cost...children are a great source of worry and concern and I believe, that worry and concern doesn't go away no matter how big and strong and independent they become.

On the bright side, Rowan is growing like a weed and all of his body parts are "perfect". He moves an enormous amount and we can see his punching on the outside of my tummy. He is a hard bump and we can't make out his feet or fists yet, but I know the day is fast approaching. I am 170lbs now (evident in the photo to the left). I am certain that I am going to gain too much weight, but after the fright that we had, I simply don't care as long as he arrives safe and sound.

We had Emily, Ana and Chris here for the weekend. We celebrated Mother's day together. They brought Rowan a Baby Bonkie with skulls (of course) and we loved it. Rowan is going to be so snuggly all bundled up come the fall. We had a great time watching Emily with the dogs. Jackson and Bailey were completely used to M's little feet by the end of the visit. They flat out ignored her, which in my view, was fantastic. We worry that Bailey will have a hard time with Rowan, but based on what we saw this weekend, I'd say that is worry we can happily put behind us. Bum Bum is the cutest thing on the planet. She fell in love with the chandelier and her Uncle John. She definitely likes her Aunt Jenny too, but she would sing Uncle John's name which made me want to eat her up. She is such a sensitive little girl, she knows the meaning of saying "I am sorry" which was evident by her big tears when she was told to apologize to her mom for biting. I felt so bad for her, but was complete astonished at the same time because she is so much more than just an 18 month old bundle of fun...She is a little person.

I was sad to see Ana and the family go. It is such an infrequent occasion that we get to spend time with my family and friends that it hurts a little every time we say goodbye. But, we'll see them again this coming weekend in Chicago and then a lot over the summer as we all get ready for the big day...

p.s. this picture captures M's love for dogs perfectly.

Baby Rowan (Bean) Bejjani Shows Us the Goods!

This is how we were introduced to our baby boy Rowan today at 8:15 am...

Technician to J and J: "He's a boy. There it is, his penis. Not as obvious as other little boys', but there nonetheless".

J thinking to herself: " Who is she to imply that my son has a small ding-a-ling? Sheesh."

J thinking to himself: "Yes!! I don't need to go out and buy a shot gun."

When I asked John if he heard what the technician said about Rowan's private parts he had totally twisted what she had said around in favour of our son so to speak. He thought she implied he was bigger than normal! I imagine that we will both be guilty of hearing what we want to hear when it comes to our wonderful son, but isn't it comical that our first experience of parental over protectiveness has everything to do with the size of his genitals? My god, he will die when he grows up and hears this story. I will get great pleasure telling his partner all of this someday...

So, yes. We are going to be parents to a little boy. While I really did believe we were going to have a boy, it feels a lot different now that we know for sure that he is Rowan Kanj Bejjani. I am terrified because I have had so little experience with boys but I have to admit, the idea of seeing him run around getting into mischief is truly thrilling. I can already see us reading with daddy, catching frogs and turtles at grampa and gramma's, reeling in and tuning up the fish at 82, riding our mountain bikes, snowboarding, taking the dogs for a walk, hanging and talking loudly at the Bejjanis', collecting allies and learning the difference between minis and croaks, teaching daddy about the differences between tree and duck types... There just isn't a word in the dictionary to explain how elated I am about the prospect of seeing the world through his eyes and redoing all of the things I used to love doing as a child with him and John.

Rowan...

Friends Forever

Last week John picked me up in Toronto on my way back from the dreaded Fort Nelson (imagine a town without reliable cell coverage, email access and TIM HORTON's) and we stayed with Ana and Emily for a night. There is no way to describe the amount of joy it brings me to wake up in their house and see that little bum and smile first thing. Here we were, in her parents' bed at 7am and she is standing outside the bedroom door at 18 months just after using her potty and counting to 10 (on her own!!). Wasn't it just yesterday that I saw her little face being squished against the hospital bed as she was being delivered? She calls me Aunt Jen in that little voice and I want to die. The entire time we were together I couldn't help but marvel at the fact that in 2 years from now, we will all be standing in our pjs or undies some weekend in Ottawa starring at B3 as though he/she was some alien because it feels like it was "only yesterday" that I was sitting at this computer writing this very blog...

From Ana's we went to Margo's and there, another miracle in action. Addison running around the house, rolling her arms, incriminating herself as we sing "who stole the cookie from the cookie jar" with a huge grin. She can't call me Aunt Jen yet, but she certainly treated me like one of her trusty favourites when she sat down on my lap on Saturday morning to pet the dogs and to share her empty Tupperware container. We celebrated her 1-year birthday and again, I couldn't help but be amazed at what one year can bring.

Later in the day we visited Nicole, Darren and Baby Carys. Carys was only about 6 weeks old which gave us a really good idea of what to expect in September. The little family looked so darn cute, happy and relaxed. Nicole has been a great sounding board all through this pregnancy because there are things that I know she will just understand. I guess that is what happens when you have been friends since grade 5! We didn't take any pictures of our visit (duh!), but I thought I would post my favourite of the new mom and baby here for all to see...

On Sunday we stopped in for a quick bite with Gihad, Caroline and Eli before heading back to Ottawa. I was good and ready to get home with my little family but, the time with family and friends reminded me of how lucky John and I are to have bumped into each other, but also to have been included in each other's lives entirely through the acceptance of family and friends (which I am sure wasn't easy especially in the beginning because of my history). While I know that B3 will be loved by all the wonderful people in our lives today, my biggest wish for baby is that he/she will grow up having tons of fun and building new relationships that are just as strong as the ones that John and I have built over the years.

Kick, Kick, Kicking Away

I am in Fort Nelson BC this week. I left on Saturday night after becoming Clara's fairy godmother. It was a very nice baptism and I loved seeing my family although it was a little rushed on our part because of this trip. I didn't want to leave. It seems to be getting hard and hard to pack up and fly across the country for work now that I am so rooted in our life on KF drive...Before I left John and I started to clean up after the floor replacement and we rearranged our living room. It looks really nice, although more traditional than I wanted originally. The fancy retro couch I bought has been pulled apart and set up as two pieces instead of one long unit across the main wall. John prefers it this way and I have to admit, It quickly grew on me too. So much so that I can't wait to get back to it and sit there while he cooks me dinner and cleans the counters as he neurotically does every night. It is funny how it is the small little things that you miss most when you aren't home.

My loneliness this time has been compounded by the fact that B3 has decided to start his/her gymnastics career and John has missed the first few full blown kicks. Sometimes the force is so great that the punching can be felt on the outside of my body which I think is unusual at this point in pregnancy. Most of the time though I am suffering from internal tickling which is very distracting but welcomed nonetheless because it means B3 is alive and well. I had no idea that babies didn't sleep! I have a bad feeling that this child is going to keep us up a lot at night because he/she is showing signs of John's insomniac tendencies. Oh how this is going to be fun!

As promised I have posted a few pictures here of our trip to the Mohave/Joshua Tree National Park. I haven't grown much in the past few weeks. In fact, I am not sure that I have grown at all. This is a good thing given I had gained so much weight in the first trimester. I am happy that things have leveled off a little. In fact, I only gained 2lbs in month 4 according to Dr. Lal. OH! Dr. Lal...I forgot to mention that we heard the baby's heart on April 3rd. I think that in some ways that was more exciting than the first ultrasound. I couldn't believe how fast and hard that little thing could pump! I can't wait to go back and hear it again. In the mean time, we will be having another ultrasound on the 22nd and maybe this time, if things work out, we will leave knowing what to paint on the nursery walls.