Learning to Worry

We had our second level 2 ultrasound a little over a week ago to get the extra pictures that the technicians couldn't get the first time around. While we welcomed the idea of seeing Rowan again, we worried for the two weeks between visits because we knew there may be something wrong with his little heart. The second ultrasound confirmed the presence of fluid but this time we were told that it was considered to be on the "upper end of normal". Who knew that a little boy could worry his parents before he was even born? I mean, you always fear that something will go wrong but it isn't until you hear or see the worry on the doctor's face that you truly understand the meaning of agony. The idea that Rowan will be born with some kind of heart problem or developmental delays is nothing short of terrifying. We will be going back for a third visit at the beginning of June. I suspect we will be closely followed until he makes his appearance into the world which is fine because we would rather be prepared and extra cautious than uninformed. This little boy will bring us unbelievable joy (he has already in fact) but, as all parents learn, joy comes at a cost...children are a great source of worry and concern and I believe, that worry and concern doesn't go away no matter how big and strong and independent they become.

On the bright side, Rowan is growing like a weed and all of his body parts are "perfect". He moves an enormous amount and we can see his punching on the outside of my tummy. He is a hard bump and we can't make out his feet or fists yet, but I know the day is fast approaching. I am 170lbs now (evident in the photo to the left). I am certain that I am going to gain too much weight, but after the fright that we had, I simply don't care as long as he arrives safe and sound.

We had Emily, Ana and Chris here for the weekend. We celebrated Mother's day together. They brought Rowan a Baby Bonkie with skulls (of course) and we loved it. Rowan is going to be so snuggly all bundled up come the fall. We had a great time watching Emily with the dogs. Jackson and Bailey were completely used to M's little feet by the end of the visit. They flat out ignored her, which in my view, was fantastic. We worry that Bailey will have a hard time with Rowan, but based on what we saw this weekend, I'd say that is worry we can happily put behind us. Bum Bum is the cutest thing on the planet. She fell in love with the chandelier and her Uncle John. She definitely likes her Aunt Jenny too, but she would sing Uncle John's name which made me want to eat her up. She is such a sensitive little girl, she knows the meaning of saying "I am sorry" which was evident by her big tears when she was told to apologize to her mom for biting. I felt so bad for her, but was complete astonished at the same time because she is so much more than just an 18 month old bundle of fun...She is a little person.

I was sad to see Ana and the family go. It is such an infrequent occasion that we get to spend time with my family and friends that it hurts a little every time we say goodbye. But, we'll see them again this coming weekend in Chicago and then a lot over the summer as we all get ready for the big day...

p.s. this picture captures M's love for dogs perfectly.