The Waiting Game

It is September 3, 2008. Rowan is 9 days away from his due date but I have been bargaining with him for the last few days, begging him to make his appearance early. I am in a lot of discomfort now. I am not meant to carry around 200lbs of weight with me. My groin hurts, my back and shoulders ache, my hands feel like they might explode, my feet look like miss piggy's feet...it's not a pretty sight. John insists that I am still the cutest thing on the planet beside his son, but I feel awful. I am glad that I stopped working a 1.5 weeks ago because I would feel worse I am sure. I have few articles of clothing that fit now. I am perpetually in my PJs or in my green cargo pants and black t-shirt. There is no sense in running out and buying more maternity wear at this point, but I do miss feeling like I look decent. John is anxious to get "his B" back. I am anxious to have her back as well. All the napping, the shuffling of feet, stubbing of toes, drinking of lemonade, peeing and complaining must come to an end and I'd like that end to come tonight!

I am heading out to go for a swim with Jen in her uncle's pool this afternoon. I think I may have to post a picture of myself in the hot pink bathing suit Mary loaned me. I think it is healthy to laugh at the cartoon proportions my body has taken on now. There will come a day when I will be grateful that I was brave enough to humiliate myself I am sure.

Ottawa Shower Over Due

While Rowan is not "overdue" at this point, the photos of the Ottawa shower are. Here are a few that show how incredibly generous everyone has been and all the hard work put into planning events like these. It was a wonderful day. Meeting more of John's family was fun and it was clear to me that this baby is being born into a family that loves him.


This looks like a "self help" circle more than
it does a shower but don't let it fool you!


















My mother was measuring me up. July 5th...Rowan was not that big yet but I felt huge. Good thing I didn't know how I would feel a month later.

Counting Down

Tomorrow will be my first official day of Maternity Leave. I can't imagine being away from my work for an entire year but at the same time, I am completely excited about completing the million projects I have started and starting a few new ones while I am at it. Yes, I know--Rowan is going to take up a lot of my time and I will be amazed at how a year flies by. I have heard this many many times over the past little while but, what people don't know about me is that I have to be doing something and something will be more than just being a mommy to my new little guy. I am going to love being a mother. I am going to love spending time with him, singing to him, dressing him up, showing him off, watching his every change but...and this is a big but...I refuse to become "just" his mommy as I have seen so many people do. A baby comes and all of a sudden the woman that existed before her body was taken over by a little gremlin growing inside her is gone. Like pregnancy, I am sure motherhood will take over my every thought but being a mother doesn't mean giving up what makes each and everyone of us unique-- our self.

Speaking of self, I am looking forward to getting control of my body back. Rowan has been hurting my insides now for almost 9 months and the pain has gotten worse over the last few weeks. He moves and moves and sleeping has become impossible. I feel bad for John who must endure the tossing and turning and the sighing and the peeing and the drinking and, and, and...But, you know what, there are only a few more weeks left and then we are going to forget about everything challenging about pregnancy because we will have this adorable human being to care for and raise. Ana is sure that I will miss being pregnant. I am sure she is partly right. I am going to miss knowing that I am carrying precious cargo and that he is alive and well inside me. I am going to miss wondering about him and dreaming that is for sure. I am also going to miss having John wait on me hand and foot too (maybe that's what I will miss the most!). I have been spoiled and although I have tried to do as much as I could to help and prepare, the credit for keeping things together goes entirely to him. I have said this before, he makes my life easier and that couldn't have been more true than over the past 9 months. Come to think of it now...I am going to miss John talking to Rowan and that ridiculous look on his face when he sees Rowan kicking from inside. He loves his baby already and watching that love is something that I hope I will never ever forget.

We are almost ready for his arrival now. Here are a few pictures of the nursery in progress. Sue and Barbara did such an amazing job on Puff that it will be hard to leave him behind when we move some day. We have purchased the rocking/reclining arm chair for his room and it arrives on Tuesday. Once that is here, we will have everything we need and more to bring our little man home.

Wedding Bliss and Blunders Continued...

Saying our vows which we were supposed to add to but the old minister forgot...















The big kiss...









It's legal...

Wedding Bliss and Blunders

We finished the CRA traveling at the end of July but we had to make one last trip before relaxing…Home to Blind River for our wedding. The trip was long. The car was entirely full of wedding supplies. The dogs were fantastic and we made it safe and sound.

The work started Friday. My parents were cleaning, fixing the yard, I was preparing gift bags and cutting up 350 voodoo roses. Margo and Brent tried to help but Addison was tough to handle (yeah, doesn't she look *s0* hard to handle?? Cranky baby alright!).

Ana, Chris and Emily arrived around dinner time on Friday and we were very excited to see them. John and my dad picked up the party rentals in Sudbury and then the tent went up. It was so exciting seeing it start to come together after a few crazy months of planning. Here we are in the backyard, watching as the men do their thing…

Saturday Dawn and Rob, the Bejjanis and the Korpis arrived early afternoon. They had cakes and more fruit than what was available in the town grocery store. We all had dinner under the tent that night after a long long day of work which entailed:

• Putting out the tables and chairs
• Delivering the gift bags to the hotel
• Picking up the 50 8oz steaks in Thessalon (which was not supposed to be our responsibility but we had no choice after the idiot cooks bailed on us on Monday)
• Preparing the flower arrangements
• Preparing the beans (which went brown and disgusting at 1am Sunday morning, yes- the day of the wedding)
• Wrapping potatoes
• Moving BBQs
• Preparing for Saturday nights feast (fresh fish and burgers)
• Getting the basement and kitchen organized so that the servers could find what they needed and move around a little (you’d be amazed at how much space 8 adults and 2 little girls can take up and how much of a mess they can make)
• Cleaning

We were all completely exhausted and ill equipped to handle any more disappointments for the day by the time bed time rolled around. I am not sure I have ever seen my mom so sleepy before and at 1am she announced she could no longer keep going. I couldn’t blame her, I felt the same way.

I woke up completely happy and ready to face the day. So many things didn’t go as planned but I knew that there was nothing else we could possibly change on the day of the wedding and so I bounced out of bed when the men went off to play golf and started decorating the tables. This is how they turned out…

It was completely breath taking to walk down the isle, see everyone waiting for me including my beautiful husband-to-be and then to spot the tables in the background. All the hard work paid off and the day couldn’t have been more perfect. In fact, I have already forgotten all the hassle and heart ache (even the hysterical crying I did the night I found out about the cooks). Besides, the wedding could have been a complete disaster and it wouldn’t have mattered because what counts is that this marriage is going to be amazing. I couldn’t help but think that silently to myself when I looked at John and held his hands as we said our vows.

Everyone made it. I do regret not realizing that John’s friends and my friends hadn’t taken the time to try and introduce themselves. I guess I took it for granted that they would have mingled more. I should have mixed the tables up a little I think. I really wanted his family and friends to get to know the people who mean the most to me. While our families spent a lot of time working together and getting closer, our friends are still complete strangers which saddens me.

I also regret not having prepared my speech. There was so much I wanted to say to everyone (including John) and when it came down to it, I was so worried about losing my composure that I just blubbered a bunch of unorganized thanks-yous. It was pathetic especially when measured against John’s tear-filled words. He was incredibly emotional which we anticipated, but I don’t think I knew exactly how much he would cry. My mother said afterwards that she had never seen a man so emotional before. Nor have I. In fact, I bet no one has. He is the sweetest, most thoughtful and loving man I have ever had the privileged of knowing and now, I am his wife. I plan to spend my days making him see just how much he is loved and needed. He stood by me when it would have been easier to just walk away because he had faith in the woman I was going to be in his life. It was that faith that convinced me not to give him up and, the choice to stick it out with him will undoubtedly turn out to be one of the best (if not the best) decisions of my life.

July Showers Brings... A Million Baby Gifts

I think the wedding plans are starting to come together. John and I rented all the items we need on our way back from Sudbury and I managed to convince my father that renting a U-haul for transporting everything was a brilliant idea. He is so funny—he always wants to save a few bucks and must have thought the cost would be outrageous. He quickly changed his tune about the trailer he could borrow when he found out that the rental was only going to be a total of $80.00. I appreciate his help and his desire to keep things reasonable, but sometimes paying the money is necessary to get the result you are looking for. I now just have to ensure that the tables we need are secured. Again, he insisted that we borrow tables from here and there and this time, I thought it important to humor him even if it is at the expense of my stomach lining. I have the best dad on the planet even if he is a little neurotic sometimes. I am sure that Rowan will look at John and I think the same way. As you grow up, your appreciation for your parents changes. You see them as a constant when you are a child, someone you need and to lean on. In your teens, parents are simply embarrassing even though you love them in private. In your twenties, you can’t wait to see them because you’ve been away longer than you ever have and they are more than just a money source, they are comfort, they are home. In your thirties, you see them as human beings with all of their faults and wonder. But it isn’t until you are a parent (or preparing to be) that you see your mom as an angel and your dad as a saint for having endured everything that you put them through, for raising you to be the person you are finally proud of being. Hell, I figure the least I can do now in this time of insane pressure is let my dad have his way with the damn tables. He won’t let me down.

My parents have been fixing the yard up for the big day. It looks so incredibly beautiful to me. I am so excited about showing John’s family where I came from, showing them a part of my past and the environment that made me who I am. Being so far from home and my family and most of my friends has never been harder because I wish John could have the same sort of fun with my family that I have with his. It seems a little unfair at times.

On top of all of the wedding plans our family and friends have thrown 2 showers in our honour. We had a big shower here in Ottawa on July 5^th. I got to meet a few more of John’s family members which was really nice. I was completely overwhelmed by the gifts and generosity. Mary, Hanan, Pauline and Lila did a wonderful job with the decorations and food and I believe everyone had a really nice time. I decided to start a scrap book for Rowan with photos of all the things people have purchased or given us for him. It has turned out to be a lot more work than I had planned but it will be a nice memento for him some day…

My sister and Ana threw the next shower in Cambridge on July 26^th. John and I drove to Margo’s with Hanan and Lila. Again the number of gifts overwhelmed me and I turned into a tongue tied sissy towards the end. I didn’t know what to say to everyone! I have included photos of the Cambridge photo here and will include others from Ottawa once I get them (they are currently on my dad’s camera).

Much like June, July has come and gone in a hurry. It’s hard to believe that I will be 8 months pregnant in a week’s time and that John and I will be married. I am looking forward to a quieter time, when I can just sit and imagine all of the things we are going to do as a family rather than constantly be worrying about my mile-long to-do-lists. While I would love for Rowan to appear a little early, I could also really use 3 weeks off work before he takes over our lives completely. Maybe then I would have the chance to clean up the living room that has been taken over by baby gifts left unphotographed…

*Blink* and June is Gone

We had our last high level ultrasound on June 2^nd and the doctor said that Rowan’s pericardial effusion (if it was even there) had decreased and that he is fine. We were very excited that he was given a clean bill of health but slightly saddened by the fact that we would not be seeing him again before he arrives in September. There is nothing like getting a glimpse at your growing baby. It’s a privilege and I would say even a tiny miracle even though I know the science behind the technology that makes it all possible.

Luckily for me Rowan is very active and so I get to feel him living even though we don’t see him anymore. He favours my right side and has started putting his feet under my rib cage which makes breathing a challenge. The start of my third trimester of pregnancy was wonderful. I had tons of energy and felt less pain than in the second but that has changed now. Rowan is heavy, weighs on my organs more than ever and has now made walking distances very difficult. I hate complaining because he is my little bundle of joy, but man, no one told me it would hurt all the time!

I have been incredibly hard on my own body. I’ve traveled to Vancouver and St-John’s Newfoundland in a week, spent hours on end on my bum behind a computer for weeks, have been running around because of wedding plans, getting less sleep than ever, have driven to Blind River and Montreal and back….I have so much to do before Rowan gets here and I know that I should take more time for myself, but it is impossible slow down at this point in time. I am looking forward to August 22- my last day of “work” for a year.

As hard as these past few weeks have been, I have had the chance to spend a lot of time with Ana and I got to see Jenn in Vancouver for a few days. She is there on a placement with a mining company which was very convenient. I love spending time with her when I can. I hope she finds permanent employment in Ontario so that we can see each other more frequently. Here is a picture of Ana, Jenn and I walking the streets of Vancouver in search of shoes (for Ana) and baby stuff for me.

While I was in Vancouver I broke out in a full body rash. I have included a poor picture of my leg here too because it was so disgusting that it is worth posting. I had taken a float plane to Nanaimo on a Friday to provide a half day training session to the Aboriginal Fisheries Guardians on behalf of DFO and on my way home I thought I’d stop in to have my rash checked. I was so itchy I wanted to cry. The bottoms of my feet were covered in spots. It was really cold in Vancouver. So cold I had to buy a coat while I was there and yet, the doctor told me that I was suffering from heat rash! Who has heat rash from the soles of their feet to their neck? It lasted for about 4 days.

June came and went in a hurry. John was in India for 10 days and as usual, had quite the time getting to his destination. The man’s hands are now pealing and splitting open because of the stress. I am so much happier when he is on this side of the ocean. I think he is too even though he gets the urge to travel and needs to be around people other than his wife-to-be from time to time. He is such an amazing man, I simply can’t imagine my life without him now.