Baptismal Blasphemy

Picture this. A mother, a father and a baby in a store that sells baptism gowns and outfits. The mother is drinking a coffee between rows of white satin. The father is, well, being his usual self and rolling baby around in his stroller. The lady who was working in the store is eyeing them up. She approaches and starts suggesting outfits that might be okay because they only have 2 of the alter boy style outfits that the mother and father and baby set out to find. A size small and a size medium. They had already tried the small on in another store and knew it wouldn't fit. But, they decided to try the medium on just in case it wasn't as small as it looked.

The mother takes her son out of the stroller and the father stands there, not really knowing how to help undress the baby in the store. With his onesie pulled down off his shoulders and around his waist the mother puts the under dress on. Her little boy looked like an angel. She then puts the smock on.

Arm 1-- no issue.
Head--no issue.
Arm 2-- tight but she got it on.

After some wiggling and awing, it was decided by the mother, the father and the store lady that the alter boy outfit was indeed too small and, of course, it had been discontinued and so there was no way to order a larger size in time for the big day.

So the mother, sadly begins to undress the baby and that is when the panic sets in. The smock will not come off. Under her breath she is begging the father to help. He explains that he doesn't know what to do. She is frantic, the line up is getting longer in the store. There are grade 6 girls trying on dresses fit for a prom and impatient mothers who you can see hate the dresses their daughters are picking out but who don't have the heart to say "no" waiting for help. The mother in on the floor now in the store prying at the smock. She is calculating the distance between her location and the nearest seamstress in the mall because it looks like this thing will have to be cut off. She looks at the price tag and thinks: "80 bucks. No big deal. NO BIG DEAL. HA! I am going to tear his arm off if this continues. Poor baby. MY POOR BABY SOMEONE HELP ME". The store lady seemed quite used to this frantic behaviour. The mother on the other hand couldn't calm down which only made the baby wiggle even more. He is now starting to howl. Not cry. Howl like a trapped animal. The mother is convinced that the baby's shoulder is going to dislocate and then, between swear words and apologies said in prayer, God came to the rescue and baby's arm came out of the sleeve.

God tips canoes but God also saves the day and a mother's sanity around here.

The mother and father quickly put the onesie sleeves back on to hide the red welts and picked out a jumper that had buttons all the way up the back and down the crotch. Lesson learned: DO NOT try on baby outfits that have been discontinued, no matter how cute they are. Practical is where it is at... I wonder how those mothers of the sub-teen daughters made out. I bet they said a few swear words and prayers under their breath too that day.