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I have taken up playing Scrabble with John in the evenings. Mostly I hate boardgames. I always have. But, Scrabble is his favourite and I believe it is important to do things that you don't like doing just to make other people happy sometimes. Besides, I'll do anything if I can win and, I do win from time-to-time. In fact, I spelled the word "Laughter" in our second game and got a whopping 101 points for it which meant that not only did I win the game, I kicked some serious ass. I sat pondering my letters for a very long time before the word came to me, which is surprising when I think about it because laughter is something that we have plenty of in our life.
I have always laughed a lot. I used to get in trouble in school for laughing in fact. I even had the bus driver pull over on the side of the highway one day and tell me to get off the bus because I was a nuisance with all my laughter. You can imagine, that only made the situation worse. We laughed even harder. I don't know why I didn't get off the bus. It seems completely unlike me to disobey an order. I must have apologized and the bus driver must have come to her senses. I am pretty sure there is something illegal about dumping a teen on the side of the road, no matter how *happy* they are. As far as I am concerned, we will have done a bang-up job raising Rowan if the only thing he ever gets in trouble for in school is laughing too much.
Here is a video of his early career as a laugher. Notice who is encouraging this bad behaviour. Imagine! I am sorry you have to turn your head or computer to see this properly. I am still learning to use my camera's video application. Shoot me.
Not only did Rowan have his first taste of an apple and cereal this week, but he also learned to sit up on his own. He can hold himself up in the sitting position for close to 30 seconds unless he is distracted by a dog, or a toy, or a daddy who comes flying down the stairs.
Some people watch baby-tv or baby-Einstein movies with their infants. Others sit on the floor and play with toys. We, well... watch and see for yourself. I am dead serious when I say that this child is going to sing before he talks, how could he not with a father like this??
Time shifts. It's slippery, slimy and sneaky. One moment I am begging for the end of pregnancy, the next moment I am giving birth and cursing myself for thinking that I wanted to experience labour. And now, out of no where, our little man is sitting up and eating solid food! I am afraid to blink in case tomorrow he is off to University and leaving me (us) behind...
He likes green apples. I know I shouldn't have let him lick my snack, but he seemed so interested. I couldn't help myself. I needed to see how he would react to the sour taste. He turned his nose up at first and then grabbed my hands to pull the apple close again. He loved it. He has been showing signs of interest in our food for a little while now. He smacks his lips and/or makes a sucking motion when he sees us eating. It is the cutest thing and it has me wanting to give him more. And so...tomorrow is *the* big day. We are going to give him his first meal of milk/soy free rice cereal (which is surprisingly difficult to find). I am sure there will be photos to post of that monumental milestone. But for now, enjoy the video of his first taste of fruit (and the last until we introduce it properly).
I just read Nicole's blog about her apprehension around going back to work now that her time is almost up. It seems strange that she would write about the very thing I am worrying about today (although, we seem to be connected in many ways these days). It was clear that as she wrote about her fears and guilt that she started to feel a lot better about the idea of leaving Carys at a Day Care because she knows that it is best for her and her family. In reading what she thought, I hoped to feel better about the fact that I will be visiting a Day Care tonight, but by the end of it, I didn't have the same revelation that she did. Perhaps, as my time draws to a close I will feel differently. I do have another 8 months to warm up to the idea after all. But, even though the Day Care I am seeing tonight is just down the street, I think my feet might feel like lead weights when I set out with the toboggan trailing behind me.
Unlike Nicole, I didn't *know* that I wanted to go back to work right from the start. I was surprised by the fact that as soon as I saw Rowan's face thoughts of never going back to my career (the one thing that has been consistent in my life for the past 10 years might I add) popped in to my head. I knew my career would take a back-burner to my family, but I had no idea that it would tumble to a very low position in my list of priorities once Rowan came along (in fact, it might have fallen off the list entirely). I saw myself taking a break, going back to work happily at the end of a year and continuing on just as I always did--traveling, working until obscene hours of the day, being at the beckon call of the "Other-John-in-My-Life". But now, even though I do miss the rush that came with being very good at my job and the big money, I just can't swallow the notion that I will be rushing around this house in the mornings trying to get my baby ready to be shipped off to someone's home so that I can go and listen to people tell me stories that I have heard a thousand times before. My role will go from spending every waking moment with my little guy, caring for him and loving him to dropping him off, picking him up, feeding him, bathing him and putting him to bed. And then starting it all over again. Yes, there will be weekends and I know that many moms will tell me that I will be begging for adult contact come the end of my maternity leave, but the idea that someone else will get to see the "firsts" instead of me makes me choke up. There is no way, no matter how good the *other* caregiver will be, that she will hoot and holler like I did when Rowan rolled over from his back to his tummy effortlessly today or rock him endlessly because he is feeling achy after getting his vaccinations. He is my baby. Our baby. He is our responsibility and I want to be the one to teach him all of the fun stuff in life. The other day I heard Lila say to Juliana as she was holding Rowan that she had better let Rowan lay close to me because "his mommy might get jealous". I am not that possessive normally (that child has been passed around more than any child I know), but I have to admit, I might bite you if you get too close today. Is it wrong to want to hog your own child?
I don't think it is. Just like I don't think it is wrong to want to go back to work either.
John doesn't think I can stay home because he thinks I need more stimulation than what I get now. Maybe he is right. I think it is probably premature to rule out going back to work and so, the effort it takes to find a Day Care is worthwhile at this point. It is nice to have a husband that supports me though no matter what I chose to do and to have the option of staying home if I want it. At this point, I guess I will just roll with it and keep dragging my feet to meet caregivers so that we are prepared and well informed come the end of August.
One of the things I was looking forward to during pregnancy was being off for a whole year so that I could work on my *projects*. I have been off for, oh-- 4 months and a bit now and not a single project has been completed. The wall-of-pictures is still lobsided, the black pants and the hippo outfit are unknit, the art is still not up, John's first year anniversary present is still far from being complete, the shower thank-you cards are still unsent, the shower scrapbook has empty pages, the closets are still a mess, the baseboards are still filthy, and the list goes on and on and on and on...and now, it is January 2nd, 2009. If you look at the very first A New Beginning entry you will notice that it has been a year since I sat down and created this thing. That means I have one more project to add to my list! My intention is to publish a book every year containing the year's blog entries so that Rowan has something to read when he grows up that captures not only the important moments and people in his life, but also helps him see into the life that his dad and I lead together and maybe even give him some insight into the woman that is his mother.
Volume 1 is started. I wish I hadn't inherited my father's project-starting-but-rarely-completing tendencies (sorry Dad). It's frustrating, and as the list grows, I get more and more overwhelmed. Maybe tomorrow I will make a list of all the things that I need to get done and just start knocking them off-- one by one.
Wait a minute! Did I just give myself ANOTHER project....Blah.
